Tuesday, 31 May 2011

A decade of memories (very emotional)

This time 10 years ago, I gave birth to my first born,
After 2.5 hours of induced labour at 38 weeks, I pushed Bailey into this world.

I was only 19 and heading in a downwards spiral of depression and felt I was trapped in very emotional and physically abusive relationship for 6 years, of which the last 3 years I never really saw much of my family, even though they lived in the same village.

Giving birth to Bailey literally saved me from myself. And as soon I saw him I knew, what I had to do.

Bailey enabled me to find some strength which over many years was beaten out of me emotionally.
I remember the night like it was only yesterday, and as I type I have tears streaming down my face.

Even to this date, it was the hardest decision to make because, i had no friends of my own and my family had no real idea of what was happening, no self a steam, I Truly believed, that I would spend the rest of my life unwanted and alone.

My overwhelming sense of protection for Bailey won, he was getting to the age, where he could see and hear what was happening to me, I was so scared that in a few months down the line, he would also suffer physically as well.

Bailey was just a year old when we left, we ended up going back home to my parents. That was a very dark period of my life, I suffered with high anxiety and panic attacks.

Over the next four years I tired everything to get baileys biological father to see him, and had to watch my my son's heartbroken face, each time he didn't turn up! I also had to endure the questions "why doesn't my daddy love me" " have I been a bad boy" just thinking about those years rips my heart to pieces, such a heavy weight to carry on those little shoulders.

Bailey hasn't seen him for 8 years, we have had the odd letter and the odd Attempt of contact from his family around his birthday, which always turned out to be unfulfilled promises. So there has to be a point when enough is enough!
Bailey has made the decision not to have contact with any of them. Maybe he will change his mind when he is older, maybe he will have questions of his own. Only time will tell.

I can't tell you how proud I am of my son!
Not only did he carry around the weight of feeling unloved and the guilt of it,  but he also has had to come to terms with the fact that he has dyslexia and after making friends in his new class, had to be held back a year when the rest of them entered year one.

Again he has been highlighted as different!
He could have, like many do, chosen to feel sorry for himself and taken a different path of feeling like whole world owes him something!

But instead, he has worked so hard! He received the most improved reader award in front of the whole school presented by the headmaster,at the end of last year. he Truly tired so hard, so to have his efforts recognised has been a major confidence boost for him, and he has continued to go from strength to strength.

He was then this year awarded a citizenship award from his peers and teachers for being so kind and caring to everyone. Which just makes me so proud, to know that even though he struggles everyday, he makes sure that others are not struggling too.

He get's constant "Exemplary effort" in all of his subjects. Which means more to then any A,B or C.

And at home he such an amazing big brother, P loves him so much, I love watching them interact together, is he so laid back, hardly ever moans or is unhelpful,he really is a credit to our family, and I love him so much.

Happy birthday Bailey
You along with your brother and sister are the best things that ever happened to me! You gave me life!
I look forward to our next 10 years, and will savour every moment!
Love always and forever Mummy xxxx

Weekend update-Disneyland

At this moment in time I am doubled up on the sofa with a Tummy and Sickness bug :(

We had a fantastic time in paris
The children loved every minute of it.

Here are a few pictures, until I am feeling well enough to sit at my computer (blogging from phone) and write a full update!


Thursday, 26 May 2011

Project Spectrum 5 - Au revoir

Posting this week’s Project spectrum early, because I am off to Disneyland for the weekend. Yay!
I have also made a my own Felt out of wool tops, and turned the sheets into a Big Red Rose for a Brooch, for this months “red” project!

Hope you enjoy the photos, this is the last set of RED themed for May.

Have a Fantastic weekend everyone!!

Wednesday, 25 May 2011

Work in Progress Wednesday 25/05/11

I am still crocheting granny square’s for my mums blanket; it’s her birthday next week eek! So I am trying not to get side tracked by any other patterns, I do how ever need to finish My Fibre birthday cake!..BUT I am going to crochet one instead of knitting one. It’s for my sister whose birthday is also next week!..My son is 10 on the 31st, so we are going to Disney land in Paris on Friday for three days, and then it’s my Mums birthday on the 3rd of June and my sisters on the 5th eek!!  I need a miracle!!

My Husband is driving to Paris so I going to use those hours in the car and the euro tunnel to crochet like Mad lol I am hoping to squeeze in an or two in the evening’s as well!.
Oh and the yarn I am using is Marble Chunky, because I love the colour way’s, and also I wanted the squares to be thick and warm, as I mentioned before Mum has a lot of cat’s so she needs to be able to put the blanket in the wash so acrylic is ideal! , I am also still waiting on the postie to bring me four more different colours!

I also want to get these finished so I a start a blanket for me!..i have the Lucy style craft pack *swoon*  waiting to be used.

On the garden Front, my plants seemed to have a growth spurt this week, and finally some of my seeds are sprouting yay!!, nothing on the mushroom front yet, I have to check every two days so hoping there will be some sort of sign when I get back from Disney!

I also got three fab books out from the library. One is on Natural Dyeing, another about Spinning, and I also got my hands on the Happy Hooker, which I am going to buy! LOVE the patterns in this book..(Having to use every ounce of willpower not to start something lol)   
Last but not least, I have been revamping some clothes that lack my ideal colour’s lol..i have changed two pairs of comfy white linen trousers to purple and Blue, and I also have a few boring grey tops taking a bath with black dye as we speak :)

Will be catching up with those of you taking part in FO Friday on Monday when I get back! Have a fantastic weekend!
 To Take Part In WIP or to read other Blogs taking part Click Here

Monday, 23 May 2011

Weekend Update 23/05/11

 We had a great weekend, my husband played golf Friday afternoon, which gave us all a “free” day on Saturday, to go out as a family
We decided to go to Paultons Park, last time I went, were 6 years ago, and couldn’t remember if the Park was any good and I have to say, it exceed my expectations! It’s also the Home of Pepper pig world!! Which both Sophia and I were very excited about!!

All the rides are aimed at children, so they were able to go on ALL the rides, my husband and I took it in turns to stay with Phoenix’s while the other accompanied Sophia, Bailey was able to ride alone which made everything easier
In pepper pig world, there were rides that Phoenix could go on, and lots of toddler friendly parks, in gorgeous bright colours.

We also played crazy golf, and a water bomb target game, were you have to fire them at each other and you’re not allowed to dodge them, needless to say Bailey got soaked.
They also had beautiful gardens to walk though and parks! also aviaries with all different kinds of birds, and penguins!

On the way home we got Take out, and brought some movies at blockbusters! Once the children were tucked up in bed, I enjoyed a nice glass of wine and a cuddle with Hubby, perfect ending to a fabulous day!

On Sunday, Hubby went out, so the children and I just pottered around the house, Sophia helped me in the garden, taking charge of watering the plants while Bailey kept Phoenix entertained with football.
Phoenix also had fun with Bailey's Wash Basket!
After dinner, I managed to crochet three granny squares for my mums Birthday blanket, which I am really enjoying making. i also got to use my new clover crochet hooks which are brilliant!!
 I have to restrain myself from looking at crochet patterns on revelry, as my mum’s birthday is next week, so have to stay focus and get this FO pronto!
Busy week this week, we are off to Disney land in Paris on Friday for three days to celebrate Baileys birthday, and have to be in Dover for 6am!
Bailey will be 10 years old on Monday! I can’t believe I have been a parent for a decade, it has just flown by! Makes me sad to think in another 10 years He might be thinking about leaving, or had actually left home!. I will use this as constant reminder to savour every moment of their childhood, soon they won’t need me anymore or at least in the way they do now, I just hope they look back on their childhood with fondness and Know that they, were and are, very much wanted and loved!
On that note, I bid you goodnight I am going to get back to my granny squares :)


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